I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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