Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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