Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
