I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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