how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
