dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
