Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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