I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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