Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
