i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
