i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Who died my cat blue again?
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