The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
