I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
