just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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