I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
