I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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