Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
