My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he was CRYING into my vagina
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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