so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize