Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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