RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
