after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
