sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
