i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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