piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have feelings that need drinking.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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