matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
