All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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