Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
