Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
