And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
