I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
