you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
