on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
