The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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