When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Girls should come with a carfax report
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
