did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
wow bdsm is so cute
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
