I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
