yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
third nipple confirmed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
