so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
