i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
