I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
