He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize