I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
