well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
