You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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