I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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