dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
