She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
