he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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