I wanna bring you to show and tell
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize