I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
