i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
