he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
