All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
