***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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