last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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