We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize