If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
