In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
