i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
