We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
