my vag is so smooth its legendary
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
