dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
