Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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