Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The Olympian is in my bed
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