i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
