I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
