i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize