New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
