I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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