A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
