i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
