the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
