my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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