So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
