Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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