Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
