Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
