haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize