I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
