Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
