He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
