That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
