At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
third nipple confirmed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
